Being in a place where I do not speak the language has really been an eye opener for me. I have been frustrated for the last week with people not understanding what I am saying. I hate repeating myself two or three times in order for someone to get me, I hate doing it even once. Yesterday morning Irene called me to tell me that there had been a break in teahouse and I needed to wake the other dorm mother and have her go get the girls that were down there working. I did as I was told and waited at the gate for her to come out. 3 min later I realized that she has no idea what I was talking about. I called Holley to ask if it would be ok for me to go and get the girls on my own, she advised me not to and Larry translated for me. Not only did I feel helpless, but I also felt like a complete idiot for not being able to convey the message. This got me to thinking about myself, and how I deal with communication. Well, what I came to realize it that words fail. Sometimes we can let all our feelings and emotions out on words and they simply fail. I have realized how much this happens in my life. How my words fail me so many times. But I think the true concern is not about how they fail me, but how they fail those receiving the message. What kind of damage is MY inability to communicate causing those around me, even worse, those that I truly care about? A simple message of “I love you” or “I will miss you” can turn into “I regret knowing you and I am glad you are finally out of my life.” I realized that the problem is fear; fear of being made a fool or the fear being hurt. I have noticed that fear has held me back from saying so many things that I have wanted to say and instead of just keeping silent, the opposite words come out. I guess that is why God calls us to be silent a lot. It allows us to think through our emotions before speaking them out loud, before completely ripping apart the ones we love due to our own inability to be honest about the way we feel, let fear go, and be raw before them. He asks us to find Him in the silence because it allows us to hear His voice, to spend intimate time with Him. So why is it that we find no time to question our own emotions? To take the time and let ourselves get to know…well ourselves..by asking questions and being truly honest with our emotions. This is probably one of those blogs that speaks truth into what I am writing because my words are probably failing me now. I am not good with being raw and open before a lot of people.. but I think God is working on me…or at least I hope He is. I hope my communication skills will improve so that I can be sure and honest about things when I say them and not have to apologize later..after all the damage has been done.